Medals

Carmen had a school assignment to find a “family treasure” that she could share with the class. She had to tell them what it was, what it was used for, if it is still used the same way today, what it was made out of, why it is important in our family etc. We don’t have much that would fit that bill.

All I could think of was my grandfather’s war medals. He served as a scout and mechanic in World War II and when he died my mom found the medals, his old service and pay book, a guide to London given to Canadian soldiers, and some war-era Francs.

I borrowed them and set out to help answer Carmen’s questions. It struck me that I knew very little about this man. I knew he had been injured after driving over a bomb and recovered in Europe only to return to fight the rest of the war. I knew he met my grandma in England while she was working at a munitions factory in Birmingham and she came over the pond after it was all over as a war bride.

I also knew that he brought the war home with him. The enthusiastic man my grandmother must have met earlier in the war was long gone by the time they returned to Medicine Hat to start their lives together. He couldn’t deal with what he saw and did during those terrible years and turned, like many soldiers, to the bottle to cope. My grandma endured the abuse for as long as she dared and then divorced him for the sake of herself and her daughters.

I remember meeting him only once when I was quite young. It was tense and awkward for everyone involved and I was happy to get out of his small apartment. Now that I’m an adult, I wish I would have known more about his life and experiences, known more of my family history. We answered Carmen’s questions (with the help of Google) but for me so many are left unanswered.  Sadly, there’s no one left to ask. 

Freezing Time

On picture day, I blew Carmen's hair straight so she'd look nice. Her hair is usually all over the place -- it is fine and tends to get straggly by the end of the day. Ordinarily I don't care but I figured she may as well take a good shot. When she left the house her hair was sleek and she looked fantastic.

When she got home she informed me that the grade 4s were the last to have their pictures taken. Last thing in the day. I immediately imagined what she had had done during gym class and then outside at recess and lunch hour -- playing tag in the grass, chasing each other on the playground, dodgeball--and what she must have looked like when she finally sat down to say 'cheese'. I figured she was going to look like a hot mess. I mentally planned retakes and lamented that we wouldn't have her pictures by Christmas.

A month later she brought her package home and she looked great. Most importantly she looked like HER; a bit more messy than sleek perhaps but clearly happy and confident and so very pretty. Why had I stressed about this picture? Why did it even matter?

A while later I was flipping through photo albums looking for a picture of a friend and me when we were kids and I came across MY grade 4 picture. I'm sure I did my own hair that day and, as I was a tomboy, I was undoubtably wrestling with the guys or playing baseball before my shot was taken. It's not a beauty by any stretch.  My parents kept it in favour of retakes because it showed ME. It was the kid I was at that moment, a frozen piece of history. The picture shows the 9 year old me who didn't care what I looked like or that my pants were usually a bit short or that my teeth were too huge for my face (as were my ears) or that my hair was all over the place or that I had any reason at all to be self-conscious about it. Just like hers is the fourth grade Carmen frozen in time on picture day. (Though as you can see, her picture is exponentially better than mine -- she is more beautiful than I could ever have hoped to be but I doubt she could rock the red and white velour like I did!). 

Years in the future, when I look at this picture, I certainly won't remember what her hair looked like before she left the house. I'll look at this picture and remember the funny, spazzy, smart kid she was at 9, and how proud I was of her. And when she looks at this picture she'll probably just be thankful she wasn't saddled with a mugshot like her mom's.

 

Resolution

So it has been a while. A very long while. I kinda got lost on the way to my keyboard. I haven't written a word for months, even though several times a day I swear that right after lunch or after I finish this load of laundry or right after I put the groceries away I'm going to drag my sorry ass to the laptop and put some ideas down. I just haven't gotten there. Maybe it's a mid-life crisis thing, with 40 looming large on the horizon, its tentacles tightening their grip on me as I fight its stranglehold. I'm not growing older gracefully. I'm doing so with all the grace of a toddler denied a treat after missing her nap. Internal tantrums aside, I'm getting back on track. Screw 40. It's just a number. Granted, a high, depressing number, but a number all the same.

So I'm going to drop the excuses, get back in shape, and start writing regularly again. I mean it this time. This is more than a New Year's resolution. It's a promise to myself to refocus on the things that are important: writing, being healthy and energetic (so I can kick 40's ass!), and being a positive force in this house for my kids. So there you have it. It's in writing. I'm back on track for 2013!

Cleansed

So I did it. I survived. I am cleansed. Hallelujah!

A bit of overkill? Perhaps. But for me it's a big deal. I don't think I've ever gone this long without at least some junk food passing these lips. This week I ate only fruits and vegetables, water, and later in the week lean beef. No refined sugar. No bread. No dairy.

It was a long week, I will confess. I really wanted to cheat. I missed my bread and cheese desperately. I really wanted to support the Miracle Network by buying a Blizzard at Dairy Queen. And when I had to bring dessert to a BBQ, I really wanted to try out the Whoopie Pies with yummy marshmallow filling. But I didn't. I stuck to the diet exactly and I lost 11 pounds in a week.

The big thing for me is that I know I can do it. I can cut out the crap food I've been sneaking when the kids go to bed and still survive. I've decided that I'm going to eat relatively well all week and leave the fun stuff for the weekends. Then I'm not feeling deprived but at the same time am not making a pig of myself.

It was a good experiment in discipline and I came out the other end feeling better and a little lighter. It's not sustainable long term (I need some carbs!) but it was a good place to build from. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bagel and peanut butter waiting for me.

Things She Should Know

I made a list of things Ben needed to know (see last post) so I guess it’s only fair to harp on Carmen too. So here is a list of 10 things I hope Carmen learns as she navigates the mine field that is growing up.

1)   You don’t always have to have the last word. Even if you’re thinking it in your head, it’s okay to let someone else end a conversation/argument.

2)   If you have to continually tug a skirt down or pulled the neckline of a top up, it’s clearly too small.

3)   Never pretend to be stupid. Be proud of how smart you are and never dumb yourself down for anyone.

4)   The internet is a public place. Don’t post a picture of yourself or post a comment that you wouldn’t proudly display to your grandparents.

5)   Girls can be mean. At some point you will probably be the victim of nasty girls. Don’t forget how it feels to be excluded and teased so you won’t do that to other people.

6)   Be sure you know how to change a tire and fill up the fluids in your car. You can’t always sweet talk someone else into doing it for you!

7)   Trust your gut. When something feels off it probably is. When you feel that, run like hell!

8)   Be true to yourself. Do what is right and follow your heart. It’ll take you far!

9)   Models in magazines have all been airbrushed to look like that. Don’t think they are the standard. Hell, THEY don’t even meet up to their own standard. Be healthy and proud of it!

10)  You can do anything you set your mind to. Don’t let anyone, especially YOU, stand in the way.

Things He Should Know

Right now Ben thinks I’m kinda okay. I know some stuff. He knows more and knows better, of course, but for the time being I still rate. That won’t last I’m sure. But there are a few things he needs to know as he grows up that I need to start teaching him now while he’s still sort of listening. So here are the top 10 things my son needs to learn over the next, oh, 15 years.

1)   Never EVER sport the mullet. It was horrible in the 80s and it is just as bad now. No matter what anyone says, you’ll look like a hillbilly.

2)   When you date a girl treat here with total respect. Always remember that she is someone’s daughter, someone’s sister—because if you mistreat her, her big brother will surely remind you.

3)   Listen. Too many people can’t hear what others are saying over the flapping of their own lips. It’s an important skill. Develop it!

4)   Never be too cool to dance. Girls LOVE a guy who will dance with them.

5)   Learn to cook, even if it’s the basics.

6)   Don’t ever post something on the internet that you wouldn’t pin up on the front door for everyone to see. Because that’s pretty much what you’re doing anyway.

7)   No matter how hard it is, stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. You never know when someone else will show you the same compassion and character in return.

8)   Don’t wait for an occasion to do something nice for those you love. Buy flowers just because, say “I love you” without having to add the “too”, help out without being asked. People won’t forget it.

9)   Dream big and work hard to make it come true. But know that we support and love you no matter what.

10)  Just in case you don’t make the NHL, work hard in school. Trust me – that’ll come in handy!

Blast from the Past

I was going through some boxes in the basement and found my writing binder from when I was eight and nine years old. I remembered it was there but I had totally forgotten what was inside – I wrote several “novels” -- and even illustrated them myself!—kept together by an Animal Crackers binder that was ever so popular in 1982.

I wrote what I knew – there are references to Acapulco (where we holidayed every year) and great reverence for the Duke boys (of whom I was a huge fan). Characters were named after my friends at the time and were interested in the things we were into – baseball, reading Nancy Drew books, making up dance routines and songs to present at our talent shows. It’s like a subjective time capsule; it speaks to a slice of time but through the lens of a prepubescent girl in Calgary.

It was great to flip through these stories and read about what my young brain thought was interesting enough to put pencil to paper to record. Sure, it’s riddled with grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, but I’ve seen worse writing on the Internet so I suppose I should cut myself some slack.

The best part of this whole discovery is how interested Carmen is in what I wrote. She’s the same age now as I was then, so maybe what I wrote really speaks to someone that age. Or maybe she’s just enjoying exploring a piece of her mom that she didn’t know about before. And maybe it’ll spur her to write her own stories and use her imagination to create something that her kids will flip through in 30 years and say, “Wow, that’s pretty cool, Mom.” If nothing else it has reminded me of how much I have always loved to write and how important it is to get serious about putting the stories in my head down on paper. So thanks to the nine-year-old me for the kick in the pants. Message received.