I took Carmen to soccer a week or so ago and it was her
first one with a new organization. She’s in U10 now so it’s a bit more involved
than the old community league and she doesn’t know any of the girls in the
group.
We showed up and she was nervous and quite frankly looked
terrified. She shuffled behind the group of girls as they warmed up and she
stood, shoulders hunched, hands clasped, eyes downcast for the first 10 minutes
or so. When she was on the field she was so uncertain and timid it made me want
to cry. I wanted to yell at her to just let loose and play like she can, to get
involved, to have FUN for God’s sake, but she carried on softly tapping the
ball and staying a step behind.
Afterward she said it was ‘okay’. She had an ‘okay’ time.
She said she would do it again next practice too, which I supposed was
something.
She went again to soccer practice yesterday and it only took
her half the time to start warming up to the idea of the new soccer team, the
new group of girls. They were, for the most part, all new to it so she was in
good company. Maybe she was starting to realize that. This time, the practice
was ‘good’ – a step up from okay at any rate.
I worry so much about her shyness. I worry that she won’t
get all she could be getting out of experiences because she’s holding back. The
fact that I was (and remain) exactly the same way is irrelevant. I want more
for her. Better.
Then this morning I went to the Earth Day assembly at school
to support Carmen’s Environment Club. She was a co-emcee for the event and did
a fantastic job. I asked her before if she was nervous (as I remember having
mini-panic attacks when I had to speak in front of the class let alone the
whole school) and she looked at me like I was insane. Why would she be nervous?
Why indeed.
I am starting to realize that she’s just fine. Really fine.
She doesn’t dive in headfirst but rather takes her time getting used to new
things before letting loose. And that’s okay. What’s important is that she’s
nervous but she does it anyway. And when she’s in school where she’s comfortable
and confident, there are no nerves. Yeah, I guess I can
stop worrying, at least about this. She’s going to be just fine. In fact, she
already is.
