Just Fine

I took Carmen to soccer a week or so ago and it was her first one with a new organization. She’s in U10 now so it’s a bit more involved than the old community league and she doesn’t know any of the girls in the group.

We showed up and she was nervous and quite frankly looked terrified. She shuffled behind the group of girls as they warmed up and she stood, shoulders hunched, hands clasped, eyes downcast for the first 10 minutes or so. When she was on the field she was so uncertain and timid it made me want to cry. I wanted to yell at her to just let loose and play like she can, to get involved, to have FUN for God’s sake, but she carried on softly tapping the ball and staying a step behind.

Afterward she said it was ‘okay’. She had an ‘okay’ time. She said she would do it again next practice too, which I supposed was something.

She went again to soccer practice yesterday and it only took her half the time to start warming up to the idea of the new soccer team, the new group of girls. They were, for the most part, all new to it so she was in good company. Maybe she was starting to realize that. This time, the practice was ‘good’ – a step up from okay at any rate.

I worry so much about her shyness. I worry that she won’t get all she could be getting out of experiences because she’s holding back. The fact that I was (and remain) exactly the same way is irrelevant. I want more for her. Better.

Then this morning I went to the Earth Day assembly at school to support Carmen’s Environment Club. She was a co-emcee for the event and did a fantastic job. I asked her before if she was nervous (as I remember having mini-panic attacks when I had to speak in front of the class let alone the whole school) and she looked at me like I was insane. Why would she be nervous? Why indeed.

I am starting to realize that she’s just fine. Really fine. She doesn’t dive in headfirst but rather takes her time getting used to new things before letting loose. And that’s okay. What’s important is that she’s nervous but she does it anyway. And when she’s in school where she’s comfortable and confident, there are no nerves. Yeah, I guess I can stop worrying, at least about this. She’s going to be just fine. In fact, she already is.