Did it For the Money

I think it's time to come clean. Before I go any further, remember this happened a long time ago. I was in university in Toronto, which is an expensive city, and I needed some extra cash. I only did it the once and wouldn't do it again, probably. Okay. Here goes.

I sold my body for money.

There. I feel so much better now. It happened over the course of a couple weeks -- I spent pretty much the whole day, three or so times a week, laying there. When it was done I took my money and I never looked back.

I guess maybe I should rephrase this. I actually sold my body for science. Money too, but I was a guinea pig. I answered an ad posted through U of T, completed some preliminary medical tests, and I was up and running. I had to lay on a chaise all day hooked up to monitors, and every hour or two I'd puff on an inhaler. Some days it was a placebo and others it was a new asthma medication being tested on healthy non-asthmatic people to see if there were any adverse affects. I sat and read, watched TV and got paid a couple hundred bucks for my trouble. It was a university student's dream gig!

Sure, I could sure tell when I puffed from the real inhalers. Sure, my heart raced and my hands shook like crazy. And sure, I don't think that product ever made it to market. I'm guessing asthmatics wouldn't appreciate dealing with a thundering heart rate and hand tremors in the middle of an asthma attack.

But, hey, being a medical test subject was a rite of passage for a broke university student far from home. I took my money and ran, thankful to get out of there with the same number of digits and no side affects that required excising, drainage, or special creams.

Sick of Sports

I am a big supporter of keeping kids active. Getting them moving. Ensuring they are fit. But there is a downside -- or at least in our family. That downside? My house. It gets taken over by sports gear. Frankly, it's driving me crazy!

 

I hit the wall today. It started when I went for groceries this morning. I opened the back of the van to pile my bags in and there is a HUGE lacrosse goalie stick and bag of goalie gear for tonight's game (Ben is in net so we have the team gear). I had to wedge my groceries in around all of the stinky lacrosse stuff.

Then I got home, put groceries away, and set out to get an article finished for my deadline tomorrow. En route to the office I was tripping on soccer cleats and lacrosse sticks (which are often propped in the corner by the dog's food dish where the hockey sticks are for the rest of the year -- I fear for that dog every time he goes for a drink, expecting those precariously balanced sticks to crack him on the head as they crash to the ground). We also have a giant lacrosse bag of hand-me-downs from a friend sitting in the office waiting for us to go through it. Then there are golf bags sitting by the door ready for the next lessons or round and baseball mitts and footballs by the backdoor in case there's a game or skipping ropes handy for a quick jump. And the water bottles. God help me for the water bottles on every flat surface so they can always find one before a game. ARGH!

At least the hockey stuff (and most of the lacrosse gear) is downstairs, out of sight. This happened only after I freaked out. I was tired of the first thing you saw when you walked into our house being a stinky hockey tree drying out gear. It really didn't go with the beautiful WWI piano.

I guess I should be thankful my kids are exercising regularly, making friends, learning teamwork and keeping healthy. I just wish they would find a better place to store their stuff!

Squirrel Mind Games

There is a black squirrel that lives in our neighbour's tree. Okay, I'm not POSITIVE that it lives in the tree but it hangs out there a lot at any rate. It also likes to hang out on our back fence. I'm quite sure the reason for this is to torment our dog.

This squirrel sits on the post at the half-way point of the yard and waits. It stares at the back door, stock-still, and waits. Farley must have some kind of radar because he will jump up from a dead sleep and race to the door to be let out. He has a special bark that we all have come to associate with squirrel invasion. We let Farley out, the squirrel swishes its tail a few times and scampers across the fence and into the neighbour's yard. But it doesn't leave it at that. It then sits just beyond reach and listens to Farley's crazed barking and looks at him smugly, as if to say "Sucks to be you, stuck in your yard."

Perhaps I am giving this bushy-tailed rodent too much credit (yes, I know squirrels are mammals but this one is an honorary rodent for certain). Perhaps its pea-sized brain doesn't remember there is a dog in this house that will chase it off as soon as it's spotted. Perhaps it just likes the look of our yard and that is why it chooses to stop there for a rest after a busy day of squirrel activities. Perhaps it is a very kind and decent creature who helps underprivileged squirrels build nests and gather acorns.

But I don't think so. I think this squirrel enjoys the mind games. It enjoys getting Farley riled up and frothing. In fact, I expect it to bring its squirrel buddies with it one of these days to taunt him even more. Maybe Farley likes the chase, likes getting his 14-year-old heart pumping over this interloper. Maybe the squirrel is his buddy. Who knows? All I know is that the urgent yapping bark to get out and the quickness with which that 14-year-old body moves to charge at the squirrel suggests that the visitor is far from welcome in Farley's yard. So we'll continue to let him out when he yaps and watch the squirrel torment him, and wonder if it will ever get tired of the game and move onto a new target. I doubt it - given the squirrel's daily visits, it seems that Farley is entertaining it just fine.

Being the Other Half

It was in the plans for a year and now it's over. I can't believe it! But I'm sure the stories (and the blackmail pictures) will float around for years to come!

My good friend Nic celebrated her 40th birthday with a girls' weekend in Palm Springs this past weekend. Her boyfriend, Doug, planned it all for her and endured all the female craziness, which shows that he's a real keeper! He even hired a couple bartenders to come to the house for an afternoon and serve drinks (shirtless of course) and had a chef come another night to make us a fantastic dinner. We went clubbing, which I haven't done in decades, out for a fancy dinner, and hit the outlet mall hard.

Nic (in red) planking Doug 

Oddly enough, this was the first time I've gone away with girl friends and it was amazing. I knew about half of the ladies going and became fast friends with several of Nic's friends whom I didn't know. We were spoiled rotten all weekend, living like the "other half" lives -- the half without bank account worries or lunches to make or bills to obsess about. We shopped, flopped around the pool, enjoyed the sun, ate incredible food, and laughed. A LOT. With 17 women under one roof, there is bound to be a bit of drama but it really wasn't anything serious and certainly not enough to interfere with our good time. We all relaxed and enjoyed being away from jobs, kids, and whatever other responsibilities occupied our minds. It was awesome to just decompress with some of my favourite people.

I came home to a long grocery list on the fridge and overflowing laundry baskets, and I was so exhausted after the late nights and early mornings (the 'other half' must have a staff to keep their lives going and scheduled nap times or they wouldn't be able to function!). But the kids were so excited to see me (and to receive the fun TicTac and gum flavours you can't get here) and my husband did a great job getting everyone where they needed to be all weekend. I had a great time but it sure is nice to be home!

Maybe we'll do it again when we turn 50. I wonder if we will have slowed down by then.... I hope not! Happy 40th, Nic. It was a riot!!

Double Digits

I can hardly believe it. Carmen is 10. Double digits. I remember how exciting it was when I turned double digits so I wanted to do something a bit different for her to mark the milestone.

She didn't have any gift ideas other than books so I decided to buy her 10 smallish things, all wrapped separately and numbered, and have a little verse for each to guide her from one to the next. Here's how it went:

1) You have always stood out in a crowd

Cuz you’re bright and sweet and kind.

This gift will make you stand out more

As it’s the brightest that you’ll find!

(2 neon t-shirts)

2) This monstrous thing is helpful

Not a little fright,

It will help you safeguard

The masterpiece you write.

(a flash drive that looks like a monster)

3) Pretty girls like pretty things

That she wraps or twirls or ties,

This is something pretty that

You use to accessorize!

(scarf)

4) We know that you love music

But ear bud wires are a pain

Always tangled or missing--

THESE won’t drive you insane.

(retractable ear buds)

5) If you want to be a writer

You have to follow every rule

This will help you be your best

And write something very cool.

(grammar book)

6) It’s never fun to hear us yell

“It’s time to go to bed”

And now even before your chapter’s done

You’ll know how far you’ve read.

(fuzzy character book mark)

7) The possibilities are endless

As there’s no such thing as pairs;

Left or right, striped or bright

It’s great cuz no one cares!

(mix-and-match socks)

8) I am sorry to drag you to the rink so I gave you something to make it more fun. Happy birthday! Love Ben

(a to-go mug and a book)

9) It’s fun to read a story

About someone just like you

Here’s a book that fits the bill

Cuz the heroine is TEN too!

(book called "Ten")

10) It may be a year early

But you’re off to your new school

And now you’ll have the uniform

And will be looking VERY cool.

(a Harry Potter acceptance letter with a Gryffindor t-shirt)

She had so much fun opening each one and fitting the gift to the poem. And it was fun to watch her enjoy the attention. 

She's growing up so quickly and while this birthday reminded me of that fact, it also highlighted how young she is too. Ten was a fun one! Happy birthday Carmen!!

Parental Pearls

There are so many things I never imagined I’d ever hear myself say. It’s amazing what having kids does to a person! Here are a few nuggets that I had to shake my head at even before they were completely out of my mouth:

Stop licking my arm.

I’m not going to start reading again until you take your hands out of your pants.

Don’t ride the dog.

Please take your underwear off your head.

I trust you when you tell me your poop is giant. I don’t need to see it. Go flush.

Armpit farting isn’t music.

What did you think would happen when you kept sticking your butt in his face?

I can’t tell you what schools were like 100 years ago. How old do you think I am?!

Don’t eat on the toilet!

I’m not a jungle gym so stop climbing me.

When I was your age, I had to……

What did you just wipe on my shirt?

Don't shove that in your nose!

I’m not sure where the Ken doll’s penis is….maybe he’s just wearing really tight flesh-coloured underwear.

Medals

Carmen had a school assignment to find a “family treasure” that she could share with the class. She had to tell them what it was, what it was used for, if it is still used the same way today, what it was made out of, why it is important in our family etc. We don’t have much that would fit that bill.

All I could think of was my grandfather’s war medals. He served as a scout and mechanic in World War II and when he died my mom found the medals, his old service and pay book, a guide to London given to Canadian soldiers, and some war-era Francs.

I borrowed them and set out to help answer Carmen’s questions. It struck me that I knew very little about this man. I knew he had been injured after driving over a bomb and recovered in Europe only to return to fight the rest of the war. I knew he met my grandma in England while she was working at a munitions factory in Birmingham and she came over the pond after it was all over as a war bride.

I also knew that he brought the war home with him. The enthusiastic man my grandmother must have met earlier in the war was long gone by the time they returned to Medicine Hat to start their lives together. He couldn’t deal with what he saw and did during those terrible years and turned, like many soldiers, to the bottle to cope. My grandma endured the abuse for as long as she dared and then divorced him for the sake of herself and her daughters.

I remember meeting him only once when I was quite young. It was tense and awkward for everyone involved and I was happy to get out of his small apartment. Now that I’m an adult, I wish I would have known more about his life and experiences, known more of my family history. We answered Carmen’s questions (with the help of Google) but for me so many are left unanswered.  Sadly, there’s no one left to ask.