Shopping Hell -- A Crude Adaption of Jingle Bells

Dashing through the mall

On a shortbread sugar high

Crowds of people pushing,

I think I just might cry.

Bells on store doors jingle

Mocking those who shop,
Just what was I thinking
To even make this stop?

Shopping hell, shopping hell

Shopping all the day.
Oh what fun it’d be to leave
This shopping mall today.

A day or two ago

I thought I had it all
A gift for kith and kin
And no trips to the mall.

But there are gifts outstanding

That I really have to find
So off to fight the shopping folks --
I’ve lost my frickin’ mind!

Shopping hell, shopping hell,

Shopping all the day.
Oh what fun it’d be to leave
This shopping mall today. 

Lines as far as eyes can see

And nothing on the shelves
What I wouldn’t give to have
A slew of shopping elves!

Scowling clerks and workers

Wishing they weren’t here.
They really don't seem to have
An ounce of Christmas cheer.

Throwing elbows, pushing past

This isn’t that much fun!
I guess it’s cash in stockings
For each and every one!

Shopping hell, shopping hell

Shopping all the day.
Oh what fun it’d be to leave
This shopping mall today.